It was 16th August, 2014, exactly one month ago. My brother came to pick me up from the station. On my way back home, I asked him to take me directly to the hospital where mummy was admitted. He suggested that we should first go home so that I can keep my bags there and then he will take me to the hospital. We reached home and and I looked towards my apartment (my house is on the third floor) and I saw many unknown people standing there. I asked my brother about them and he said they are just a bunch of people who have come to meet my father. I got a bit curious and after reaching my apartment I saw my father sitting on the floor just outside the door. My bag fell from my shoulder and I looked through the door, THERE SHE WAS, LYING ON THE FLOOR (Mummy). I was numb. For few minutes it felt like my entire body was paralysed. My world just collapsed and I lost my GOD. She was lying there on a white bed sheet with cotton in her nostrils and with her hands folded. My god you took away the ground beneath my feet, where do I go now ? I ran to her and started touching her face, asking her to wake up and talk to me once before leaving us alone in this really big world. I tried waking her up for two hours but it was the first time ever that mummy did not respond to my scream, my tears and my requests. She was the only one, who understood me when I could not even speak and that day, I was screaming but she did not move a bit. I kept staring at her pale face, her eyes were half shut and her lips half parted. Felt like she is looking at me and will get up any moment and start talking because I came home to meet her because she asked me to come home and she cannot just go away like this without meeting me.
It all started on 21st of November, 2013. She was admitted in the hospital that day and after so many tests, finally the doctors diagnosed her with CANCER. Our hearts skipped not one but many beats when we found out. The treatment began and we did every possible thing to save her and she was recovering after her chemotherapy. I always used to tell her that mummy sab theek ho jaayega, we will be happy again and when we come home next time, you will have to cook for us kyunki itne dino se khana khaane ka man hi nahi ho raha hai, ek baar tum theek ho jaaogi toh sab accha ho jaayega. She looked at me with tears in her eyes saying that 'let me go, there is nothing left for me now'. I wanted to tell her that if you leave, there will be nothing left for us here mummy. After few days, her condition started deteriorating because the fourth chemo failed and the cancer started spreading in her body. Even though the results were not positive, I was still holding on with strong hope that God can never be this ruthless, he will cure my mother. But he snatched away my mother very mercilessly. She was in immense pain and people used to say that pray god to free her from this life because keeping her alive like this would do no good but how can a child pray for her mother's death ? I was praying for her life and that does not make me selfish because she is my mother and I wanted her to live. This was the defeat of a daughter's hope, a husband's hard work. I will carry this guilt till the end of my life that I did not get the opportunity to meet her for the one last time. I missed her by 6 hours or maybe she decided to leave early because had she met me, I WOULDN'T HAVE LET HER GO.
"The mother's memories that are closest to my heart are the small gentle ones that I have carried over from the days of my childhood. They are not profound, but they have stayed with me through life, and when I am very old, they will still be near."
-Margaret Sanger
It all started on 21st of November, 2013. She was admitted in the hospital that day and after so many tests, finally the doctors diagnosed her with CANCER. Our hearts skipped not one but many beats when we found out. The treatment began and we did every possible thing to save her and she was recovering after her chemotherapy. I always used to tell her that mummy sab theek ho jaayega, we will be happy again and when we come home next time, you will have to cook for us kyunki itne dino se khana khaane ka man hi nahi ho raha hai, ek baar tum theek ho jaaogi toh sab accha ho jaayega. She looked at me with tears in her eyes saying that 'let me go, there is nothing left for me now'. I wanted to tell her that if you leave, there will be nothing left for us here mummy. After few days, her condition started deteriorating because the fourth chemo failed and the cancer started spreading in her body. Even though the results were not positive, I was still holding on with strong hope that God can never be this ruthless, he will cure my mother. But he snatched away my mother very mercilessly. She was in immense pain and people used to say that pray god to free her from this life because keeping her alive like this would do no good but how can a child pray for her mother's death ? I was praying for her life and that does not make me selfish because she is my mother and I wanted her to live. This was the defeat of a daughter's hope, a husband's hard work. I will carry this guilt till the end of my life that I did not get the opportunity to meet her for the one last time. I missed her by 6 hours or maybe she decided to leave early because had she met me, I WOULDN'T HAVE LET HER GO.
-Margaret Sanger
